If you look at it in a big picture then it doens't seem like I have much to complain about.
Before I got pregnant with Makenna I was an 18 year old 5'4" 102 pound girl. While pregnant with Makenna I only gained about 10 pounds and I INSTANTLY lost it all about 2 hours after I gave birth. When I left the hospital I was down to 100 pounds, no joke!
When I got pregnant with Kendall I was 112 pounds, wearing my size 14 and 16 abercrombie KIDS jeans. I got up to a whopping 150! About a week-2 weeks later I lost about 30 pounds of it. By now, 15 weeks later, I am down to about 115 wearing my size 0 Abercrombie & Fitch jeans. Awesome right? So what the hell am I complaining about?!?
Well look at the images below. Excuse my poor free hand paint job. I'm not good at the free hand stuff, lol :)
Before Kids / After Makenna / After Kendall (current day)
(btw, apparently I didn't have a belly button before I had kids. lol.
Please excuse my lack of belly button on the 1st picture)Notice what I do?! In 2003 I was a twig, honestly, I know I was. I didnt know how good of a body I had because of course I was an insecure teenager around that time. I had full PERKY B cups yet I "hated my boobs".
cut to November 2004 my body was not as tight anymore and I now had a full D cup! After my milk ran out I had a saggy full D cup with stretch marks all over them! I got stretch marks on my stomach, sides, inside of my legs and the back of my knees. Who even knew you could get stretch marks on the back of your knees?! Well this girl did!
But whatever, I learned to love my body since the stretch marks pretty much faded down to nothingness and I would always keep a bra on when I'd have sex (lol). Yeah, I never fell in love with the look of my boobs after that.
Current day... I am now a full F cup! They hang even lower then they did before and have even more/darker stretch marks on them. The stretch marks in between my legs are even darker, & now I really hate my stomach since the marks are daker on them too. Plus, that stupid line going down the middle of your stomach.. yeah, that's STILL there!! WTF! I didnt even get that line when I was pregnant with Makenna and now It wont even go away.
I hate getting undressed in front of John because contrary to what he says I feel like I have the ugliest body ever!
Sure, I lost the weight but damnit now I want every kind of surgery to make my body tight and stretchmark-less again. Plus, I want a boob lift & reduction because they are too low and too huge!
Hell, I had to take 90% of my shirt/top wordrob to Plato's Closet because my boobs don't fit into them anymore.
I know I can work out and do all that kind of stuff but I highly doubt it'll give me my old body back. A body, I could not actually appreciate since I never did back then. And I just want to feel comfortable with my boobs. 100%.
I keep trying to be positive and be accepting of my new baby given body look... but it's just not working. I try to listen to my hubby when he compliments me but again, I just shrug them off and think "he's just saying that. He thinks my body is ugly now. That's what he REALLY wants to say."
I don't know how to get out of this frame of mind.
Does anyone else feel the same way I do? Did you overcome your body image issues? 'Cause I'd love to hear HOW you did it!???