Post Partum Still Has Me By The Balls

It's funny, just when you think you have this thing beaten, just when you're ready to throw your arms up in victory, when you have the best day to date and you know think you're all better... someone or something called life throws a damn wrench in it all!

I sit at home doing the same monotonous things on a daily basis: Walk Makenna to the bus stop, make the beds, take the dog out, feed Kendall, put on Beauty & The Beast. While Kendall is now occupied with her favorite movie I do the dishes, vacuum, sweep, steam mop what seems like the entire house, clean the bathrooms (yes, on a daily basis!), pick up toys, do laundry, etc.

I don't even feel like I'm living a life anymore. I feel like I'm just going through life according to a planned schedule. Nothing ever really changes from day to day for me. I can't even tell you the last time I actually did my hair and makeup. Maybe... a month ago and I wasn't even going anywhere.. I just wanted to feel pretty for a day. I was looking at *old* (and by that I mean... 3-4 years ago maybe) pictures of myself and I cannot believe that I did my hair and makeup everyday. I sometimes wonder what my husband thinks of me. When he met me I wore makeup, I did my hair... not every day but sometimes. Now? Nothing.
I often wondering if he is actually attracted to me anymore. If he thinks, "Where did my hot wife go?!". I for 1 know I think those things, so he must.

Sureee on his days off, John will help take some of that load off but even then it doesn't really feel like it at the end of the day. On my husband's days off, he likes to hang out, play Xbox. Like I said, he does pick up some of my slack but if he changes 2 diapers it then becomes, "I changed the last one, it's your turn honey" to which I respond with, "Oh really? Well how about the 15 diapers I changed yesterday! Are you going to make up for those!?" I end up winning but I just wish stupid things like that wouldn't happen.
From those little things though, I begin to hate everything. I begin to think that my husband doesn't even care about me or my feelings at all.

I mean sure, my husband works his ASS off all the time for us and I am blessed with being able to stay home for a year now but I really wish he'd help out more. His days off from work should be my days off from... life. I don't want to change Kendall, I don't want to have to hold her all day, give her a bath at night or anything. I just want to bask in her cute baby self... when she's not crying! When Makenna gets home from school I just want to be able to play with her instead of telling her I can't because Sister needs me.

Some days I seriously think I have beaten PPD. I get so high on the happiness of that day that I literally do not take my medicine at night. Why? Well, in a word, I guess I'm just crazy. I begin to think, "this day was perfect. I didn't yell, I had fun, I was laughing, playing. I'm not depressed!" The next day... ha, I'm a complete bitch again. I feel like my world is crashing down around me. Nothing goes right what so ever.
At the end of the day what do I honestly have to be sad about though? Honestly? I live in a nice house, I have a wonderful family, a great husband and 2 wonderful kids whom I love dearly.

I mean seriously, how could you not smile when you have this to look at....

and lets not forget this...

But that's when I know I haven't beaten this monster. When I can be sad when I have 2 amazing, gorgeous girls, there has to be something wrong with me.

So my days of the 'do this, do that' mommy will continue but I suppose I need to stick to Zoloft and hope for the best.

Body Issues

You don't really hear me complaining about my body often but right now I just feel like talking about how I really do hate my body.
If you look at it in a big picture then it doens't seem like I have much to complain about.

Before I got pregnant with Makenna I was an 18 year old 5'4" 102 pound girl. While pregnant with Makenna I only gained about 10 pounds and I INSTANTLY lost it all about 2 hours after I gave birth. When I left the hospital I was down to 100 pounds, no joke!

When I got pregnant with Kendall I was 112 pounds, wearing my size 14 and 16 abercrombie KIDS jeans. I got up to a whopping 150! About a week-2 weeks later I lost about 30 pounds of it. By now, 15 weeks later, I am down to about 115 wearing my size 0 Abercrombie & Fitch jeans. Awesome right? So what the hell am I complaining about?!?

Well look at the images below. Excuse my poor free hand paint job. I'm not good at the free hand stuff, lol :)

Before Kids / After Makenna / After Kendall (current day)

  (btw, apparently I didn't have a belly button before I had kids. lol.

Please excuse my lack of belly button on the 1st picture)

Notice what I do?! In 2003 I was a twig, honestly, I know I was. I didnt know how good of a body I had because of course I was an insecure teenager around that time. I had full PERKY B cups yet I "hated my boobs".

cut to November 2004 my body was not as tight anymore and I now had a full D cup! After my milk ran out I had a saggy full D cup with stretch marks all over them! I got stretch marks on my stomach, sides, inside of my legs and the back of my knees. Who even knew you could get stretch marks on the back of your knees?! Well this girl did!

But whatever, I learned to love my body since the stretch marks pretty much faded down to nothingness and I would always keep a bra on when I'd have sex (lol). Yeah, I never fell in love with the look of my boobs after that.

Current day... I am now a full F cup! They hang even lower then they did before and have even more/darker stretch marks on them. The stretch marks in between my legs are even darker, & now I really hate my stomach since the marks are daker on them too. Plus, that stupid line going down the middle of your stomach.. yeah, that's STILL there!! WTF! I didnt even get that line when I was pregnant with Makenna and now It wont even go away.

I hate getting undressed in front of John because contrary to what he says I feel like I have the ugliest body ever!

Sure, I lost the weight but damnit now I want every kind of surgery to make my body tight and stretchmark-less again. Plus, I want a boob lift & reduction because they are too low and too huge!

Hell, I had to take 90% of my shirt/top wordrob to Plato's Closet because my boobs don't fit into them anymore.

I know I can work out and do all that kind of stuff but I highly doubt it'll give me my old body back. A body, I could not actually appreciate since I never did back then. And I just want to feel comfortable with my boobs. 100%.

I keep trying to be positive and be accepting of my new baby given body look... but it's just not working. I try to listen to my hubby when he compliments me but again, I just shrug them off and think "he's just saying that. He thinks my body is ugly now. That's what he REALLY wants to say."

I don't know how to get out of this frame of mind.
Does anyone else feel the same way I do? Did you overcome your body image issues? 'Cause I'd love to hear HOW you did it!???

Hard Times of Post-Partum

Back in 2004 I KNOW I had PPD (post-partum depression) after I had Makenna. I was never diagnosed because I never told my doctor what I was going through. I just figured I was acting the way I was acting because I was a 19 year old young single new mom. I didn't want to believe I had PPD. Who wants to admit that? Not me.
I eventually got through it but thankfully I was living with my parents at the time so I know they were a huge help.

During this pregnancy John & I talked about the possibilty of me getting PPD again but we figured it wouldn't probably happen since I'm not single, I have him. How freakin' nieve were we! Lol. The first week of Kendall being home I was perfectly fine but come week 2 everything set in and I was falling apart. Thank God I haven't had thoughts of hurting Kendall or myself or anything like that but I have had a serious attitude. I've been taking a lot out on Makenna and although in the moment I don't think about it, afterward I feel really bad. I've been crying 24/7 and at times I do have to put Kendall down and just walk away while she cries.

Yes, John is there but last week he pretty much had all opening shifts so I was up with Kendall pretty much every night, & then having to get up in the morning to instantly pump, change Kendall, feed Kendall, feed Makenna then try to get something for myself to eat... all on 0 sleep. It really took a toll on me and then I began to take it out on John by the end of the week.

I've lost interest in pretty much everything. I'm barely online anymore so no Twitter and no blogging. I have so many reviews/giveaways that I'm behind on. Now it's even gone as far as not even caring about pumping :( Yesterday I pumped at 9am and then by 10pm I realized I didn't pump all day since the am! I still got 8oz per side (& I have a huge stash in the fridge & freezer) but still, I should be at least pumping but nope, I just forget to do anything. The house has pretty much fallen apart expect for what John can do when he gets home from work.

I just don't know.

I saw my doctor earlier this week and she put me on Zoloft. She started me on only 50mg which I heard is really low.
It's been 3 days now and so far I do think it's helped a little. I know it doesn't INSTANTLY fix anything but I'm feeling a little better. I've been able to deal with Makenna a lot better. I've been yelling less and when Kendall cries, although it still gets to me, I've been able to deal a little better.

I hate medicine, seriously HATE it. I couldn't even take my prenatals my whole pregnancy because I hate swollowing pills but also, I just forget to take things. Also, I just don't want to become addicted to a medicine like Zoloft. I don't have an addicting personality at all so I think I'll be fine but at this point I don't know what else to do. I want to be there for my girls, I want to be a happy mommy and a good wife and I dont think I can do that without help right now.

At this point I'm just hoping with the help of the Zoloft I can get better fast and then be able to get off the meds and do it on my own.

Happy Birthday Kendall Rose Mercurio!!!! Welcome to the earth!

So this wont really be a Birth Story blog, because honestly I'm too tired to go into every detail of it but I tell you some parts :)

Saturday night at 8 I began feeling really bad contractions and if you follow my tweets then I even tweeted that I was getting in the shower hoping that would help. Well 2 hours later and I was STILL dying and they were getting worse. We never timed them but figured they were about 1-2minutes apart!
John called and said we are on our way, no questions asked.

Once we got there they didnt even triage me like our normal false labor visits we had in the past couple weeks. I was checked and I was still just 3cm & -2 station but now 60% effaced. Being monitored they saw that yeah my contractions were 1-2minutes apart and by my reaction really intense. Already I told them that I do want an epidural but my doctor told me she wanted me to progress some more before I got it.

 Having contractions... I thought I was goign to rip that handle off

(thanks for the pic honey, lol)

Everyone thought it'd be quick since my contractions were so close but nope 8 (yes EIGHT!) hours later I was finally 4-5cm, 70%, still -2 station. It took about a hour to get my epidural and finally I had some release.
It's about 6am now and I was feeling good. About... 1 hour later I began to feel contractions again, not painful at first but still, I shouldn't have felt them. We waited it out and then it was like I never had the epidural at all!
Another hour later, they came in and gave me the same epidural medicine that women get for a c-section!

It did NOTHING! I was still feeling every single thing and drying along the way. Of course they were getting worse and worse and I wasn't even progressing when ever they'd check me :/ It sucked.

Tweeting in between contractions #twitterbirth

A lot of stuff I don't really remember because I was in so much pain I didn't want anyone talking to me, I wasn't looking at the clock, I didn't care about anything except feeling better... but I wasn't feeling better at all.

Then, I began feeling soo much pressure. Told John and he told the nurses, when she checked me I was 9cm, 70% and -1 station. WTF?! I was dying here people!
It continued and apparently because it was so bad I began holding my breath, so much so that I was making my cervix swell up. I tried to breath, and eventually the swelling went down (about 2 hours later).
Eventually I just screamed out, IM PUSHING! lol. John ran out and the doctor and nurses ran in, of course telling me to stop. Seriously, lol, ok, lemme just stop the pressure and the need to push.
When I was checked I was +1 station, 10cm and 100% so yay, it was time.
10 minutes later and having I thought I ripped my whole body in half Kendall Rose was born. Even though she was 8lbs 1oz I didn't rip one tiny bit! I don't know how but hey, I'll take it, lol.

We were pleasantly surprised that when I told my Dr. that [of course] I wanted her to stay with us for as long as possible before they took her away and bathed her, they told us that they never take the babies away (unless medically necessary). It's pretty much their rule that babies stay with the parents for at least 5 hours before they get a bath. I was so happy to hear that since I was already ready to argue if I needed to. Furthermore, when it's bath time they give the baby a bath in room, not in the nursery, so again, baby never leaves your sight!

Also, the whole entire time at the hospital she stayed with us because although my hospital has a nursery they don't even let you have the option to have them watch your baby. It's 24/7 stay-in style or whatever so Kendall got to sleep in the same room with us, another thing both John & I wanted.

An amazing feature (that I've NEVER seen before) was that both Kendall and I had a bracelet monitor thing on. They were linked together so every 1/2 hour, if I got close to Kendall a little chime would go off letting us know she was my baby. If another mother would have gotten near Kendall alarms and lights would flash through-out the maternity floor. Also, there is a red line on the ground near every exit so if your baby is stolen by someone and they try to leave then again, the alarms and lights will go crazy! John and I felt soooo incredibly comfortable because of that.

Our hospital visit was definitely one of THE BEST visits I've ever had at a hospital 100%. Anyone ever in Florida and want a great hospital, then lemme know.

My baby all covered in vernix.

The scale changed too fast but she was 8.1 pounds, I promise, lol

Daddy holding his new daughter for the 1st time

soo in love already

My 1st time holding Kendall

tried latching. I got too frustrated so I pumped and INSTANTLY got 10ml outta my bewb

My bewbs love me cuz day 2 and I already have 3oz from each!

It was a crazy and longgggggggggggggg experience but she came out perfectly 100% healthy for being 3weeks early. No lung problems, no hearing problems, NOTHING! Plus, she sleeps 24/7 so yay!

We are truly blessed. ♥

36 weeks & contractions

So I made it... 36 weeks. The past couple weeks have been crazy that's for sure.
I went into the hospital on (Sunday) June 20th because of my crazy right foot being extra swollen. My Dr. wanted to make sure it wasn't a clot or preeclampsia. Both checked out perfectly clear. I got checked just in case and we found out I was 40% effaced, almost 1cm dilated and Kendall was -2 station.
Then that Friday I had some major contractions that we timed for about a hour and they were getting really close at that point then spaced out so we didn't end up going to the hospital.
On Tuesday was my appointment I asked to be checked just to see if the contractions on Friday did anything. After hesitation my Dr. finally checked me and I was 50% effaced, still -2 but now 2cm dilated! Ever since Friday I've been having constant contractions. Some get really close, most are about 10 minutes apart.

Saturday (the 3rd) horrible contractions started around 3pm. Finally at 6pm I called my Dr and she said to head to the hospital because they had been about 4-5minutes apart, and killing me! After being monitored for over an hour my contractions started to finally space out to 9minutes. Since baby was fine, my BP was fine, and the contractions hadn't really changed anything in my progression, I was sent home.

It's been hell every single day since then because the contractions have not stopped and I cannot sleep what so ever.
I'm glad we made it to 36 weeks but it sucks so bad that my body is really trying to get baby K out of her cozy home.
Everyone has been telling me it's because this isn't my 1st baby, so I'm thinning and dilating because of that but that it doesn't necessarily mean she will come sooner. I would love to believe that but because I delivered Makenna so quickly (I was 41 weeks though...) I'm just nervous that it will be any second, any day now.

What has been a little more annoying is that people think I WANT her to come out right now. Of course I dont WISH she would come 4 weeks early and have to stay in the NICU for a couple days. Who actually would wish that upon their newborn!? On the other hand though, I'm allowed to voice my frustration and say that "she needs to come out already!" since these contractions are killing me most of the time. I am going to call my doctor and see if they can stop them because I'm barely able to function 98% of the time. So when I say, 'My Dr. either needs to stop these contractions or get Kendall out already'... again, that doesn't mean I'm voting for her to come out!

Anyway, these next 4 weeks are going to be hard but Kendall needs to stay in her cozy oven, just cookin' away! So hopefully I have 4 more blog posts about my weekly updates to come.

My Baby Shopping List

Getting ready for Kendall has been an experience. I know it's weird but I feel like I don't know anything anymore and I was [almost] completely clueless on what I actually needed for Kendall once she's here. I mean, c'mon, it's been pretty much 6 years since I've had to worry about buying anything for a baby like this.

Like I said in my Prego Planner review/giveaway they have a checklist of baby needs and even though I'm using it, I wanted to make a post about my checklist. I can just come on here and mark off what we already have. Maybe now I'll be more organized? Who knows.
The checklist kinda overwhelmed me but once I saw we had almost every thing we need for her first few months of life I am now more excited. I felt like we still needed everything in the world but I was wrong.

So is there anything I'm leaving off that we ABSOLUTELY need???


NURSERY
Crib and/or bassinet
Crib bedding
Crib mattress
Mattress pad
Waterproof crib liner
Fitted sheets (2-3)
Sleep Positioner
Receiving blankets (4-5)
Changing table
Changing pad
Changing pad covers
Dresser
Rocker/glider - don't need
Hamper
Nursery monitor
Mobile
Night Light

Diapering
Diapers
Wipes 
Wipes warmer - don't need.
Travel pack for wipes
Diaper bag
Diaper pail and refills
Rash ointment
Changing pad
Diaper stacker

Clothing
Homecoming outfit
Onesies
Sleepwear
Bibs (5-10)
Burp cloths
Booties and socks
Hats (2-4)
Mittens
Footed rompers
Sweaters - don't need
Swaddle blanket
Baby laundry detergent
Stain remover
Baby clothes hangers

Health
First aid supplies
Thermometer
Medicine dispenser
Baby fever reducer
Nasal aspirator
Humidifier/Vaporizer
Baby brush and comb
Nail clippers

Safety
Safety gate
Corner guards
Outlet covers
Drawer latches
Cabinet locks
Toilet locks

Travel
Infant car seat
Car seat base for 2nd car
Full-Size stroller
Lightweight stroller
Stroller rain shield
Stroller toys
Infant car mirror
Pack and play

Feeding Supplies
Bottles
Bottle Sterilizer - don't need
Bottle brush

Bottle warmer - don't need

Bottle drying rack
Nursing pillow
Breast pump
Nursing pads
Nursing cream
Breast shields
Nursing bras
Nursing gown
Milk storage bags
Travel formula dispenser
Pacifiers
Pacifier clips
Gas relief drops
High chair
Meal mat
Infant spoons
Sippy cups
Teethers

Bathing
Bathtub
Washcloths (5-10)
Baby wash
Baby shampoo
Baby lotion
Bath toys
Hooded towels (2-4)

Toys and More
Swing
Bouncer seat
Play gym
Crib mirror
Rattles
Walker / jumper
Toy Chest

Books and Music 
Preggo Planner
Pregnancy books
Childbirth books
Breastfeeding books
Parenting books
Baby book
Journal
Educational music
Lullaby music

Miscellaneous 
Baby sling
Baby wrap
Birth announcements
Thank you cards
Stamps
Camera
Camcorder
Picture frames
Growth chart
Batteries
Baby calendar

Get Her Outta Me!... Please?

Yeah, I'm officially over it. Everyone talks about the joys and love of pregnancy but I just cannot do it. Sure, from the moment we saw those 2 pink lines it was love and excitement... don't get me wrong, BUT I am hating life right about now.
Who says pregnancy has to be about butterflies and rainbows anyway? 'Cause I'd really love to punch that bitch in the face!! She's a stupid whore, and I hate her!
Yes, my pregnancy has been "uneventful", so much so that even though I was already supposed to start seeing my Doctor every two weeks she thought it was unnecessary since everything has been going so smoothly. Am I blessed, yes, and I know this but that doesn't take away from how crappy I constantly feel.

 So here's my bitch fest :)

• I am sick of the 24/7 acid reflux. I swear my throat is on fire and everyone sees the flames and is just not telling me! Taking Zantac twice a day only helps sometimes but not always. Thank god, EMAB is sending me their "Heartburn Tea" so hopefully that will begin to help!
• The fact that I feel like I'm a freaking beached whale when I step foot in the pool or on the actual beach is just not sitting well with me either.
• Breathing? What the hell is that because ummmmmm I don't think I can EVER catch my breath. I try to talk to... anyone... and I have to stop about 20times in a 2 minute long sentence because I feel like I'm going to pass the eff out!
• Sleep is officially a thing of the past now. I do not think I've gotten a full night's sleep going on about 3 weeks now. It is so uncomfortable to sit, stand, lay on my side, lay on my back.. I have no idea what to do! Even sitting to be on the computer kills me after a few minutes, so I try to get in bed and be on the computer but nope...that gets uncomfortable in 2 minutes.
• My patience is longggg gone out of the window. My daughter is pretty much always on my nerves. I try not to take my misery out on her but damn it is so freakin' hard. John and I have been devoting A LOT more time to her so she doesn't feel like we hate her now or something. I hardly doubt she feels anything differently but of course I especially feel bad about snapping at her.
• Being hot 24/7! It's close to 100 degrees PLUS 60% humidity here in Florida and seriously it's unbearable!! After a while of having the a/c blasting in the car John will instinctively turn is down a few notches since the car has "cooled down" but everyone is failing to realize that the whole time it was blasting to me it felt like it was on low, lol. So everyone has to freeze just to make me A LITTLE bit comfortable.

So yeah.. those are just a few of my issues with pregnancy. I'm only 32 weeks and if I hear one more person say, "aw only 8 more weeks to go" I'm gonna kill them! ONLY?!?? ONLY, people...??? I want these 8 weeks to go by faster then anyone in the world realizes. Yes, it was 6 years ago that I dealt with a summer pregnancy but I do not remember it being this insanely miserable :( In fact I was so much fine with it that I even let my pregnancy go to 41 weeks. This time, I am almost to the point of telling the doctor and John that I want to be induced as soon as I can, because I do not think I can hold out till August 4th!

At least I know from our appointment yesterday that she is head down and getting ready for her lovely decent. I know she hasn't fully dropped or anything yet because I can still walk :) With Makenna it literally felt like someone was taking each of my legs and ripping them apart in the opposite direction. So far, I'm not feeling THAT much pain when I walk... but we're getting there, believe me.

28 weeks

So I'm 28 weeks now.. 2 weeks into my 7th month... 2 weeks into our THIRD TRIMESTER! I'm still not over that!

Anything different this week?
Hm... oh you mean BESIDES the constant tossing and turning that Kendall does? BESIDES the fact I can barely wipe my own ass, lol? BESIDES the fact that I CANNOT get comfortable what so ever while sitting or laying? Hmm well if we're talking beside all those points then yeah... not too much has changed, lol.

I've also been experiencing the worst acid reflux/heart burn in my entire life for the past 1-2 weeks. I think I could count on one hand the times I've had heart burn in my whole life up until recently, so believe me... I NEVER get it. My body I guess has always just been really good at taking care of that sorta stuff...? I never burp or even feel the urge, nothing.
Now? Omfg, I cannot stop having to burp and the acid reflux seriously feels like my throat is constantly on fire and it makes me want to cry it's so bad sometimes. :/

On another note Kendall weighs about 2 1/2lbs now and is around 14.8 inches long :) Her little eyes now sport some [gorgeous] lashes and now she should be able to see some light filtering in the womb from the outside! I noticed that she is wayyy out in the front this week. Well, she's always been pretty much a front and center baby but compared to last week I look more... pointy, lol.

This week                                Last week

We have a Dr. appt. on Thursday and since I'm RH negative I'll be getting an injection of Rh immunoglobulin (which is to prevent my body from developing antibodies that could attack the baby's blood). My blood is - and John has + so that's why this injection is needed. I'll also be getting the injection again after I give birth if Kendall ends up being Rh positive.

Shots don't bother me so it's whatever :)

This appointment on Thursday marks the 1st appointment in our 3rd trimester (obviously) and also the start of our every 2 week appointments. Having our appointments getting closer like this just puts it into perspective even more so that we're that much closer to meeting our little girl!

I can't wait till 36 weeks when we have appointments every WEEK, then that'll make it really real!

Oh and 1 other thing that I'm sooo excited for! My step-mom is making me a hospital gown! I really do not want to wear those nasty blue standard ones this time around! God knows who wore them before... peed on them... bleed on them... threw up on them... etcetera! It's just not a great thought when you actually think about it! Here's a pic of the materials... pink and sparkly of course! :)

She has already slowly started working on it. I'm in no rush & I'm sure she appreciates that so she is taking her time on getting it finished. I will definitely post a pic when it's done... or maybe not. Maybe I'll just wait till THE DAY to show everyone how it looks. :)

27 weeks

Ah my little cauliflower at around 2 1/2 lbs & 14 1/2 inches! It's just incredible that she is sleeping and waking at regular intervals. What's even more so amazing is that she actually sleeps at night with me. Let's hope this trend continues once she's born!
Supposedly I should be able to feel when she has hiccups sometime around now but that hasn't happened yet. She is moving like CRAZY though & I swear she thinks she's already at the Gymnastic Olympics... or at least she's training for them because she is constantly tossing and turning like she has all the space in the world to do so. It's especially annoying when she stops in the weirdest position so then I have to push her down to get her out of my ribs or what feels like her leg already coming out of the birth canal!

On another note I am officially in my 7th month and 3rd trimester! It seems so weird and surreal & I know I probably say that every week but it still holds true. My pregnancy with Makenna seemed like there was a beginning & end without the middle so I honestly can hardly remember anything. I know for a fact I didn't count every week or keep track of things that happened every week (like this pregnancy) so that's probably why I feel like this pregnancy is going by so slow... but yet so fast! 13 more weeks... TWELVE! 92 more days. It really feels like yesterday I was just saying that I WAS 13 weeks pregnant. January 27th feels like it was no time ago and realistically we're already in May.

We are getting closer to filling our list of stuff that we have ready for Kendall. YAY! Oddly enough we have 3 strollers. All are different though so I'm excited about using each of them. We have a jogging single stroller (the 3 wheeled kind), a double stroller and a light-weight single stroller. We have decorations for her nursery all set up & ready to go up on the walls, & her crib. Next step is getting her car seat. I really wanted a matching set but nothing will go with the 3 strollers we have so now I am changing my plan of attack on the whole car seat thing and just picking 1 we love.

A crazy preggo mess

So it was a VERY sad day 2 days ago. We decided to take our beloved cats back to the SPCA.

Last year our kitten, Kitty Kitty a.k.a. Oscar died after he was only about a week old. So the same day John took us down to "look at other dogs but then on our way out he wanted to just go check out the other cats. John saw these two kittens that were only a couple months old and we both instantly fell in love with them. They were brothers that got turned in just days before. The problem... John is highly allergic to cats! Why would someone that's allergic want a cat? Well because he loves me very much and he knew I was upset over Kitty Kitty's death.So we adopted our new furry brothers and there began my love! ♥
We've always struggled with John's allergies and it's been a hard battle but we've dealt with it.

Lately it's just become too much. Maybe his allergies are becoming worse but they were shedding WAYYYY too much, so that's probably a huge cause of it.
I vacuum multiple times a day, everyday but the house was literally becoming a huge fur ball no matter what we did. I tried switching cat shampoo & giving them more baths then normal but like I said, nothing was helping.
Even if I washed our clothes they would still come out of the wash with orange fur all over them! So it's hard enough having the fur everywhere but when my allergic husband has to wear clothes that have fur on them & a lint roller doesn't really help... that creates a problem.

Also, John has had concerns with having them around Kendall. He isn't sure how they will react and just doesn't want her and her stuff covered in hair as well. Although I continue to tell him she isn't going to be the first newborn around cats, he still has his right to be concerned over his daughter, ya know.
I suppose I understand the reasons but that doesn't help anything.

Phoenix was my hyper baby. He would sleep on my bottom pillow since I always have half of it sticking out from under the top one. So I'd fall asleep feeling/hearing him purr while having my hand on him.

Tiger ALWAYS slept with Makenna. He loved her sooo much. At bed time he would practically lay on top of her head since he also slept on her pillows. I would find him curled up with his paw on her head and her hair covering his head since he buried it under there.

They truly were the best kitties and this has been one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a long time.
I am a high believer that pets are in no way shape or form disposable and when you adopt one it's for life. But if you understood the severity of our situation (because yes... there is a little bit more to my story) then you would understand that my hands were tied.

Thank GOD the SPCA does not euthanize animals due to the length of time they are in the shelter & they will never transfer them to another shelter so I do know they will be safe and be healthy until someone else can adopt them.

But now for the past 2 days I have not been able to fall asleep until about 3-3:30 because I'm so used to our nightly ritual. Now that he's not here I'm pretty positive that Phoenix's purring always put me to sleep, plus having my hand on his soft fur was a comfort thing. So now at night is when I begin to cry more about them.

Today I think we're going to go down to the SPCA and see if they are still there. On the other hand I don't want to and know I shouldn't because it's just going to kill me more to see my babies all caged up. And then if one has been adopted but not the other... omg, I will not be able to see them separated like that. We adopted them together because they are brothers and I want someone else to adopt them together as well.

I know this is not just pregnancy hormones getting to me. I truly miss them and I want them back so bad.  :(

Phoenix and Tiger sleeping in their bed. All squished up, lol.

Sleeping on daddy (last year).

Tiger

Phoenix

26 Weeks

So I missed my 25 week update. Not sure what I was thinking last week. As you may know we switched from the Birthing Center to an OB-GYN that works with one of the hospitals. We are a lot happier now so that's all that matters. It's an OB-GYN that has 3 women; 2 Dr's and 1 midwife, so I'll still get my may with how the labor and birth goes and John feels better that we're in a hospital (and honestly, I'm happier we're in a hospital too..). Other news is that I had to take my gestational diabetes test last week. Already got my results and we passed with flying colors so yay :) Me and baby are great (always knew we would be, hehe).
This week I feel like Kendall popped out more to the front and of course I'm getting bigger by the second :) Looking at my counter (on the right sidebar) I am completely freaked out that it says "about 99 days remaining". 99 DAYS! We're in the double digits now and that's sooooo exciting yet surreal.

As of last week Kendall began to hear us and she should now be able to recognize sounds like Saydie barking or even me yelling, lol. She's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of her lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when she's born and takes that first gulp of air. And she's continuing to put on baby fat. She now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches from head to heel! She even opens and closes her eyes and is learning how to blink.

I've been getting more and more tired lately again. Breathing is something I forgot how to do without trying, and John is constantly having to tie my shoes for me already. My back has been hurting the past... week or so and I definitely not excited about that. I didn't experience any back pain with Makenna at all during my pregnancy with her so this is something very new to me.
And lastly... the leg pain! :) I DID experience this with Makenna but really not until mid-late into my 7th month so the pulling of my ligaments this early has been horrible.

--------------------------------------

-How far along? 26 weeks.

-How big is baby? Almost 2 pounds and about 14 inches!

-Weight gain/loss? 134.

-Maternity clothes? Just shirts. Just got a Bella Band because my jeans can't fit anymore. BUT to my defense I ALWAYS wore tight pants in the first place so it's not surprising that I can't wear them now.

-Stretchies? Nothing new!

-Sleep? Same ol'. She is not keeping me up (yet...)

-Best moment this week? Getting more

-Movement? 24/7 :)

-Food cravings? nothing comes to mind. Ask John... lol. I'm sure he can tell you something.

-Gender? GIRL!!

-Labor signs? None.

-Belly button in or out? Still in!! Hopefully it stays that way.

-What I miss? Being able to stand for more then 5 minutes before getting tired. Also, in those 5 minutes not having to pee 1 million times.

-What I am looking forward to? Finishing her nursery.

New decisions & HAPPY changes!

So today John and I switched from the Birthing Center & Midwife we've been seeing this whole pregnancy. It was sorta a tough decision but one I'm extremely happy with!
John has NEVER been happy with the whole "birthing center thing" in the first place. He has always wanted me to be comfortable and have the birth I want but he was just concerned with the safety of it all. I mean, I can understand where he's coming from, it's a new thing and he's used to hospitals & knowing something can be taken care of ASAP in case of an emergency.

There are many reasons for our switch and not just because of my husband! Here are about 3:

1. The Birthing Center we were going to was HIGHLY recommended to us. And at first it was great, the women were great and it lived up to what my friend told me about the place. BUT THEN, come... 2nd-3rd appointment everything was downhill. I felt the women there were rude, NO ONE would ever greet us when we'd come into the office. we'd say hi, try to talk to them while waiting but it's like talking to a wall. We'd ask questions in the exam room and nothing would ever be directly answered and if it was... honestly it never felt like it was the correct information. My husband (of course since he's never done this before) would ask a question and he would be given this "your fucking stupid" look and be LITERALLY laughed at and given a short answer most of the time. I would have to chime in and defend him and explain why he wanted to know... whatever he wanted to know.
It was just retarded and made us extremely mad.

2. Although I want a natural birth and free to make my own choices I still do like the idea of a hospital better. To me, it just seems cleaner and seeing as how my first labor went, I really don't think there will be an issue with doing things "MY way".

3. And lastly because of my husband. He in NO WAY shape or form made me switch to a hospital BUT I do want him to be comfortable and love this experience 100%. And since he could never been 100% backing up the decisions the birthing center would make, then I'm sorry but we had to leave there.

Needless to say, our last appointment put me over the edge. The Mid Wife making me feel like I've gained WAY to much weight and that's why I'm measuring further then I should be (23wks measuring 27) just pissed me off to no end!! Sorry but I've only gained about 10-15lbs! I weigh pretty much LESS then what a normal women by age and height weigh NOT pregnant!!!!

NEW PLACE!
The women were instantly wonderful, inviting and friendly. We all talked up a storm and despite the birthing center taking 2 HOURS to fax (again why the birthing center is annoying... it does not take more then 2 minutes to fax something! I'm sorry!!) over my records they were still patient with us.

The OB-GYN office is a practice with 2 women MD's and 1 mid-wife. That's it! We spoke to the main Dr today (who happens to have my name.). I brought my birth plan to the office today and she is 100% on board with every single thing in it. She also had all 3 of her kids naturally and on her own so she understands exactly what I want. I will be seen pretty much by Jennifer and the two other women till the end but Amy (the mid-wife) will be my delivering Dr since I requested it.

The hospital already has birthing balls, birthing bars, bathtubs actually equipped for laboring. I'm allowed to be as up and free as I wish since I don't want to be hooked up to all kinds of monitors and IV's 24/7.
ALSO! :) She is extremely happy to hear that John wants to catch Kendall and said they welcome it so again, another HUGE plus!
So see, I still get what I want, John is in love with this office and the women who work there, and we both have a hospital where we've always been more comfortable in.

Monday I have my Glucose test. Then my next appointment is on May 13th.

"Insert catchy title here"

... yep that's the mood I'm in. I don't even want to title this entry! :) Sorry.
Today has been a chill day. The past week or so I've been on the move left and right and not really at home for too long. Finally today I stayed home. Well I went out for 10 minutes to pay a bill, but stayed home besides that.

I just have not been feeling good at all today and it sucks. I cannot get comfortable, Kendall has decided to use my bladder as a trampoline ALL day. It literally just feels like she's bouncing up and down on it. And I've been extremely tired. So not for nothing but my attitude and mood have not been the very best today.

On to other news. My midwife told me I was measuring about 27 weeks at my appointment this week (FYI, I'm in my 23rd week). Which I was like, wtf.... uhhhhh ok... that's like 4 weeks ahead.
Not to say that I was ever concerned, thinking she's going to be a big baby or thinking I was gaining too much weight but it's just weird to me.
I hate the idea of EDD's in the first place. OBVIOUSLY, they have to be in place but seriously, baby will come when baby will come. So all this crap of, "Oh you're 40 weeks... lets get this baby out..." UM NO THANKS! Makenna was 41 weeks before I went into labor with her. So if someone is telling me I'm "measuring" 27 weeks is just like a "who gives a fuck" thought in my head. So wow, good for me, according to a ruler my uterus is bigger then what you (or any doctor... or whoever) thinks I should be?

Today I asked mom's on Twitter if they were ever told that and I LOVE that I had sooo many mommy's responding back telling me that they too were told at most they were 4 weeks ahead and pretty much (to me) their babies were of normal birth weight.

I'm just sorta annoying with the whole thing. Especially because she made a comment about my weight and about how I gained "too much weight this past month" APPARENTLY. Which btw, I'm pretty much at the weight of a normal woman my age and maybe even my height so in no way shape or form am I becoming fat in this pregnancy.

Sorry about my bitching, again, I'm not feeling good at all today so maybe I'm just taking it out on my blog :) But that's my story.

22 Weeks

-How far along? 22 weeks.
-How big is baby? The length of a papaya! She is about 11 inches and ONE POUND this week!
-Weight gain/loss? I honestly haven't weighed myself since last week so I have no idea if I gained or lost. Maybe I should go do that...
-Maternity clothes? I have 1 shirt but it's not necessary. Hubby just bought it at Motherhood Maternity because it has the NY Giants logo on it so I "had to have it!!" :)
-Stretchies? Nothing new! At this point that's all I can ask for!
-Sleep? Same ol'. She is not keeping me up (yet...)
-Best moment this week? Seeing John's face when he finally felt her kick!
-Movement? Wow, the past week went from really nothing major to kicking like a soccer player!
-Food cravings? Pretty much any food.
-Gender? GIRL!!
-Labor signs? None.
-Belly button in or out? Still in. Hopefully it stays that way.
-What I miss? Being able to stand for more then 5 minutes before getting tired. Also, in those 5 minutes not having to pee 1 million times.
-What I am looking forward to? Getting started on the nursery!
-Weekly wisdom? When you get pregnant, tell your boobs goodbye. They have become even worse this time around. Hubby is loving everything about them but I hate them :/
-Milestones? Again, seeing my hubby's face while he was feeling Kendall kick over and over again was amazing!! ♥

"Great Expectations Quiz"

Due Date: August 4, 2010.

Weeks along: 21w, 6 days.

Career and do you have a post-baby career plan: Pre-pregnancy I was the Store Manager for a franchise owned GNC (General Nutrition Center). Now I am a SAHM. Plan after baby...? Stay home as much as possible, but if you read a previous blog post of mine, I want to go back to work. I HATE being at home 24/7.

If it were up to you how long would paid maternity last: A year!

If a stranger touched my belly right now I'd: probably move away nervously. I really don't understand why people think that's ok. If I wasn't pregnant you wouldn't just walk up to me and rub my stomach, so why now? It's not like you are actually touching the baby!!

Weirdest food I've craved this pregnancy: Spinach dip!

True or false--I can still see my feet: True.

Favorite maternity fashion splurge: Nothing out of the ordinary I suppose, just nursing bras that can get a bit costly after a while.

Most worn item of maternity clothing: My "Anytime Nursing Gown" from Bella Materna! Omg it is amazing and sooo very comfortable and breathable!

Did you find out the baby's gender? Why or why not? Oh yes, we found out as soon as we could! Hubby didn't want to know but as soon as the TV came on and he saw a little face he instantly said, "ok! I want to know!!!" lol. It was so cute but oh so predictable. I wanted to know this time because I didn't find out with my first daughter & it killed me not knowing!

How do you feel about the nude pregnancy portraits? Not my cup of tea, but I've seen some that are exquisitely done.

Planning a babymoon? Where are you headed? Sorta kinda planning. A place isn't set in stone or anything but we do know we are going somewhere! :)

Push gifts? Tacky or well-deserved? I think they are pretty tacky. Isn't the gift of your child enough? Why go out and spend money on each other when that money can be spent on the baby?

I'm passionate about: living greener and more organic.

Evidence your nesting instincts have kicked in? When I'm giving my CATS a bath, I think it's pretty clear I want the whole house to be clean! lol.

Don't forget to vote on Top Baby Blogs!!

21 weeks!

It feels really weird to say that. It feels like just yesterday I was like, "ooh. I'm only 5 weeks"! Where the hell has time gone, someone please tell me?
In case you missed it in earlier news, we announced last week that bby is a girl and her name will be Kendall Rose!! :) I'm soo excited and loving the name more and more each day. SO FAR it hasn't gotten old or worn out yet. Let's hope it stays that way, shall we!

Time for the quiz:
-How far along? 21 weeks
-How big is baby? The length of a banana. Approx weight=12.4oz, Approx length=7 inches
-Weight gain/loss? I weigh 126 today. Somehow lost 2 lbs within the past week. That's 14 lbs up from pre-pregnancy.
-Maternity clothes? Just now getting into shirt. Still don't need new pants :)
-Stretchies? Not anything new... lol
-Sleep? It's ok. Back is starting to hurt more and more each day though.
-Best moment this week? Deciding on a name! It makes her official!
-Movement? Thankfully she is loving mommy right now and kicks lightly but I do feel her swimming around in there.
-Food cravings? Eh, not really anything major I suppose.
-Gender? GIRL!!!!
-Labor signs? Nope.
-Belly button in or out? In :) It didn't pop out with Kenna so hopefully it stays in this time as well.
-What I miss? Being able to walk and breathe at the same time! lol
-What I am looking forward to? Getting started on her Ballerina theme nursery!
-Milestones? Finalizing on her name.


Okay, that's it for tonight! Don't forget to vote on Top Baby Blogs!!